Coming back in early March, I spent a few days back home in NC before borrowing my mother's prized convertible and heading to upstate NY to begin a teaching gig. Although I had just come back from an adventure that felt like a 10 month sprint (Fiji), I figured that I needed to keep some momentum in my life - kinda like after working out, you should do a cool-down and stretch instead of just collapsing into a heap on the ground. I stopped over in DC along the way to reconnect with a gorgeous friend of mine from the old NJ nanny gang back in the dizizay. She and her wonderful hubby took me to a festive Mexican joint where we gabbed, slurped FANTASTIC margaritas and stuffed ourselves silly. I mean, I could hardly sit properly my belly was so distended! (I'm working on my gluttony)
The next morning, I gave big hugs and kisses and then began my journey up up up north. I was SO glad that I totally bypassed the Delaware bridge, Jersey, and NYC. What a load off! The drive was surprisingly long however, and soon I began seeing snow on the sides of the road. My heart grew in my chest - OH HOW I HAD MISSED THE SNOW!!! The sky was a heavy blanket of gray and if you were standing outside, frigid bursts of air would seemingly come straight from the arctic and steal your breath. It felt so good, but I started getting nervous about the ominous winter sky - I am incredibly fearful of driving in snow! Well, sure enough, it starts snowing. Those of you who know me and how things roll out in my life are not surprised by this at all, haha! So, yes, roads are getting slicker by the second and I still have, what, 2 hours to go before arriving at my new residence/place of work? No biggie ... gulp.
OK, fast-forward: I see the sign for the camp/wilderness school and turn onto the snow-covered dirt driveway in the middle of NY's boonies. Tires spin a few times but finally I see a building in sight - the pig-skin pink farmhouse which was to be my new place of residence.
I was greeted by a striking, tall, gangly British fellow named Ben and a small guy named Justin who had dark, piercing eyes hinting at hyper-activity, intelligence or some combo of both. Justin made a quip within the first 2 seconds of my meeting him and, in addition to having an uncanny and unrestrained wit, I learned that he was only checking-out the place and would be leaving in 3 days. Ben had attended the camp for many years as a youth, and was now a counselor and timber-framing apprentice. I also decided immediately that he had the most beautiful accent I had ever heard. (yes, that's right Ben!) Five minutes later my new friends were helping me schlep my stuff up to a large bedroom on the second floor. I was honestly kind of frightened by the state of the farmhouse. Fairly dilapidated would be a good description. However, I LOVED my room. Sure, it was dirty and overrun by ladybugs and weird flies, but I had 2 walls worth of windows and the views of the snowy, barren landscape stirred me.
There was no heat so we had to work for our warmth by chopping and hauling firewood and constantly tending to the wood-burning stove. Since my room was catty-corner of the stove, it tended to get quite cold. Thus I had to bury myself beneath layers of blankets - kind of like the Princess and the Pea, but I was the pea. There was running water, but it was not potable and smelled like egg farts. The lack of pressure in the bathroom made showering unpleasant. While sitting on the toilet one evening, a mouse entered the bathroom by squeezing under the door. It stood on its hind legs looking at me with glimmering, beady eyes before casually loping off into a cabinet. The first week was a little hard for me. I kept asking myself if I wanted to deal with such challenging living conditions after just coming out of Peace Corps where I had OH SO challenging living conditions. I mean, did I NOT deserve reprieve? Guess not, haha!
The first 2 weeks at the camp, I had A LOT of alone time as my work had not yet started and my roommate Ben was off building a timber-frame house. I enjoyed taking walks down the long, scenic driveway and collecting maple water to boil down into syrup. Being alone also gave me the unique opportunity to really get to know the wood-burning stove. (In retrospect, I think we should have given it a name.) I mean, I could not stand to be away from it! It was warm, comforting, and seemed to not mind my clinginess. Don't worry, it was a 2-way street! I fed it, cleaned it, stoked it (that sounds dirty), opened the flue, closed the flue, half-opened the flue... Well-balanced relationship I think. It also didn't talk back which was nice.
I loved my job through and through. For those of you who do not know, I was teaching an after-school wilderness skills program at 5 different public schools within a 1.5 hour drive radius. The owners of the camp contracted me out to the NY school system and they did a great job of giving me material to teach along with allowing me plenty of freedom to create my own curriculum and teaching style. I fell in love with so many of the kids as well as some of the amazing teachers I met. I also fell madly in love with the land which undulated and twisted beneath the tires of the seabring convertible.
I remember my jaw literally dropping the first time I drove out to one of my schools. It was still wintery, so trees were utterly bare and almost everything was some shade of gray. Although the locals were OVER the winter, I found it to be stark and gorgeous. Tired, but strong old barns and crusty fields shared the land with deciduous and coniferous copses of trees. Cows lazily chewed their cud and horses were woolly with winter coats. Occasionally I caught sight of sheep that seemed impressively well-equipped for the long winters with their built-in jackets.
Then, spring began creaking, and my drives became even more prolific. I remember being reluctant about winter's leave, but as soon as I caught my first wiff of blossom, I too opened up as readily as the hyacinth's sweet petals. Snowmelt was trickling everywhere, flooding fields, and forging new channels. Little baby everythings were appearing around each bend of the road - a new colt here, a baby bunny there... I wish we had a better word than cute, but for now, CUTE will have to do. Although the smells of a landscape tend to have the greatest impact on me, I have to admit that I was sent reeling by the bright yellows, lime greens, and deep purples that shot out from every direction. I kept marveling at how the land was bursting forth. How life was bursting forth. I just like to say "bursting forth."
So incredibly beautiful! Now, while there was all this beauty blasting forth on earth, I was experiencing (and still am!) a lot of confusion about my situation. Leaving Fiji was rough. Although my experience was condensed, transformative, and productive, my choice to leave still shattered a dream that I had for myself (the dream was something like this: 1. going thru two plus years 2. either discovering my professional destiny or marrying a local and happily eating lolo-drenched food while 7 little kailoma (mixed kids) run around). I guess it is analogous to "not getting the part," or breaking up with the person of your dreams, or loosing something really important to you. It shook my identity.
How does one know where to draw the line between what is legitimately unacceptable and what is just inner resistance? How hard do you push your body's limits before "bad-ass" becomes "idiotic?" When should you take a scary leap that changes the course of your life versus sticking something out and growing via perseverance and personal commitment? Confusing stuff! My dear PC friend Sara (and Yoni!!) and I would discuss these things frequently. I can tell you, those conversations were quite interesting, provocative and usually mystifying (Sartre would have been proud!). Solace never came from any tidy conclusions, but rather from just having a kindred soul to relate to.
So, in early June, my teaching contract ended and I was graciously invited to stay-on as Kitchen Manager for the summer. Being that I had grown very fond of the camp with all its quirks and critters, I had quite a decision to make. After some head-scratching, I elected to take up a warm and exciting invitation to stay on the Big Island in Hawaii for a while. The Big Island boasts 11 out the 13 of the world's ecosystems and even has snow on top of the volcano. Recently a student got me all revved up by telling me that there was snowboarding up there. I googled it the first chance I got and, to my dismay, found out that you can sometimes hike up and get a quick ride in, but the snow is patchy. Not really worth the effort of lugging a board to the Pacific...
OK, lastly, 2 stories from my NY teaching experience:
1) WARM AND FUZZY
One night during the last week of my NY stint, a very curious thing happened. While slumbering, I felt something on my left cheek and instinctively jerked my head away. I did not fully wake and I did not open my eyes, but all of a sudden I was alert enough to know that something weird was afoot. In my half asleep state, I began to realize that what I had felt on my cheek was warm and possibly fuzzy. As I started drifting off again, something warm and definitely fuzzy was doing something on my left cheek AGAIN! Immediately I became alert and swatted the thing away from my face. I switched on my bed lamp and looked around. Sure enough, I spotted a teeny little mouse with huge ears running along the bottom of the door, looking for an exit. I was surprised to find myself pretty calm and feeling no ill-will towards the little guy. In fact, I almost had an odd sense of affection towards it - like it was my long-lost pet. However, I was, and remain, very curious as to WHAT the hell the mouse was doing on my face - cuddling me? Climbing my face for posterity? And, why did it jump on my cheek twice!? Persistent little bugger!
2) One beautiful morning, my co-worker Heather and I were sitting on the outside couch enjoying the fragrant spring breeze and heavenly view of the lush hillside. Birds were chorusing and chipmunks were bouncing about like furry tennis balls. Our attention was drawn to a large maple tree directly in front of us where a chipmunk climbed half-way up the trunk and then promptly fell off. Heather and I looked at each other - had that really happened!? We laughed and remarked at how we thought chipmunks were a little more sure-footed! A few minutes later, a chipmunk was again climbing up the maple tree shortly followed by a much smaller chipmunk - the same one that had fallen off earlier! The larger one in the lead would climb up about a foot before turning around to check on the progress of the little one. The big one was teaching the baby how to climb!!! Ahhhhh, again, need a better word than "cute."
Alright, time to head out to see Bridesmaids. I hear it is pretty dang funny. To all my Fiji friends, I love and miss you a lot - and am very proud of you guys for continuing to rock out over there! To all my other peeps, I adore you too and can only assume you are also rocking-out in some form or fashion. Hopefully literally. BE HAPPY!!!! xoxo -Z
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